Hello everyone! I feel this is kind of random writing to you today and I apologize. In some way, I feel writing about my current affairs is not easy. Perhaps, because I am living out what I am writing and therefore feel that I am too emotionally involved to sort out what all the values are and where all the perspectives are coming from. I hope you understand this rambling.
For the most part of this journey of 'blogging' I have mainly concentrated on my memoirs of my pre-adoption and post- adoption (the early years). Then it happened, in the midst of writing, my past once again came forth into my present. It happened the first time in 2004, when we found my siblings from childhood in Korea and this time, it was my younger brother who was adopted to The Netherlands as an infant.
In some respect, with the past and present meeting each other again, I felt stuck. Upon our meeting, I wanted to share everything here but knew that I was full of new emotions and old that would effect my understanding of what was happening not only to me but to all those involved. With this thought in mind, I introduced our encounter and then quietly left it. To write about the events of your life and of those who share it with you is something you cannot do so freely. It comes with great responsibility and for me, I respect this very much. The way your present life plays out and how it is perceived and later is reflected changes greatly not only once but perhaps again and again. I believe this is very true for many adoptees including my own life. I see this as I have learned of my past and relearned it again as new people and of those from my past come with their memories of a past that we had shared. I am not excluded from this for each stage of my life, I have gone through various understanding and emotions that attached it to the memories of what were once a present thought. In this way, I am right back where I started with this blog. I am writing and letting it take me as I follow. For my reunions and new unions with the people that have come into my life is just that.
Tomorrow, I will be leaving to go to meet my younger brother, Kyung Il, who resides in The Netherlands with his adopted family. In these short weeks, I have gotten to know them a little and am very happy they have welcomed me not only into their lives but to have me at their home! I will be staying with them for the next two weeks. I am very happy and thrilled to have this opportunity to spend time with my new extended family and my dear brother that I have learned of only a few years ago and have found just a couple months ago. I have to say that we have been speaking to one another on a daily basis and it is so nice because he understands and speaks English. I am always saddened that the relationships that I have with my siblings in Korea is limited due to the lack of communication and translation.
I think of fate and how life works out at times. I have longed so long for to reunite with my family that I lost as a child to now have found a new member of the family that speaks my adopted language. In this short time, I feel we understand each other more than my siblings in Korea will ever understand or know. I feel the only way this could change is if one of us learns the others’ tongue. I have felt that it was the distance between us not just the language that separated us since we found we each other in 2004 but now understand more that the language barrier is much stronger and divides us farther.
I wish I could express to my family in Korea how I feel and that I will be meeting my brother but perhaps that will come in time like all things. I will send my eldest sister a note about my visit and hope she will let the others know of this. I also hope that she will try to reconnect with my sister, Kyung Ok. I had lost contact with her about two years ago and am afraid my siblings in Korea had lost contact as well. From what I know, no one really knows why this happened which only leaves me to guess all the possibilities that come with reunions.
So, I will be leaving tomorrow and will check on my blogs while I am gone but will not be writing again for awhile. You can bet I will take lots of pictures and will post when I return! Take care everyone
5 years ago